"But sorry is the Kool-Aid of human emotions. It’s what you say when you spill a cup of coffee or throw a gutterball when you’re bowling with the girls in the leage. True sorrow is as rare as true love.”
-Stephen King, Carrie
“I am looking for friends. What does that mean — tame?”
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."
"To establish ties?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world….”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
“I find I am constantly being encouraged to pluck out some one aspect of myself and present this as the meaningful whole, eclipsing or denying the other parts of self.”
― Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches
Someone wrote this to me as a private message, but it is too good not to share:
Hey there, this is going to be a long post (which is why I didn’t choose your ask), but please bear with me.
I once read in a random magazine an interview with an actress. (I don’t remember the name, but that’s not important.) She recounted the story of how she started from the bottom until she made a name for herself. She talked about how she had an audition somewhere and because she was overworked with part time jobs and generally stressed out because of her circumstances, she didn’t really looked her best when an agency or whatever got interested in her. They told her to go home and fix herself, put on some make up, and should come again. When I read that, I thought of how offended she must have been to be told something like that, but the article continued with her being grateful to get that second chance to present herself. I remember how puzzled I was to read that she got told to put on make up to please her counterpart, but the woman in question took it for granted. Maybe it has something to do with the movie industry, but it still nags at me. A man wouldn’t have been told to fix himself with make up.
A few weeks ago my brother and I both had a job interview and my mother advised me to put on some make up. Again, it hit me with what standards this society confronts women. My brother didn’t have to worry about his face safe for washing it. I am expected to put on “at least some mascara,” as my mother put it. But what truly concerns me is that she said it without a care in the world like it was normal – no, a given - that I, and every other woman, had to paint on their faces.
If a woman likes to apply make up, that’s great, if a woman doesn’t like to, that’s great, too. Why stop at women? If anyone wants to feel pretty with make up, that’s fine, and vice versa, if someone doesn’t want to. I am feeling okay without it, I don’t feel like I am lacking something. My make up-less face doesn’t make me any less of a woman, as it doesn’t make someone more of a woman, if she chooses to wear some.
Thank you for reading this long rant, but I have hoped to find some feministic empathy and if you maybe could make a drawing on this topic, that would be so great!
(PS: At the end I didn’t apply make up and still got that job. ;))
When I read this I was like: YES!!!! She get’s it! Allow me to expand:
The other day I had a job interview at this fancy gallery. The job description said: professional attire required. I had this dress that I thought would be perfect, but the night before the interview I noticed it had gross pit stains on it (I know girls aren’t supposed to sweat but I do, quite enthusiastically in fact). So I freaked out and ran to the mall, hours before my interview, to drop cash I didn’t have on a professional looking outfit. Then I changed in a public washroom and “did my make up”, which for me means a tad of mascara and bright red lipstick (because anything more would end up smudged and smeared all over my face due to my lack of make up applying skills). I was so exhausted by the time I got to the interview that I could barely stand. The interview went pretty well I thought, but after it was over I started to panic. What if I actually got the job? How could I survive having to get all dolled up like this every single day? The gallery I currently work at is much more left wing and laid back. People wear whatever they want and I can come into work without any make up, wearing an oversized men’s shirt and sneakers and no one will think twice about it. Yet, I was drawn to this fancy gallery. It’s like I thought this place would somehow make me more fancy. Then, I didn’t get the job and I was disappointed but also relieved. I was actually kind of happy that I could stick to my usual wardrobe and make up-less face. Except for the bright red lipstick. I have a thing for bright red lipstick. When I feel like I look like shit, I put it on and I suddenly feel a thousand times better. But that’s me. That’s the little thing that I have to do for myself to feel ready to face the world. Other people have other things. Some people are amazing at putting on makeup and looking great all day, others feel better just au naturel. The point I am trying to make, and the point you made so well in your message is that there shouldn’t be this one default look that all women have to follow. We should be able to dress in a way that is comfortable for us, not in a way that makes everyone else comfortable.
The next drawing I post is for you <3